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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Queer Poets' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, August 8th, 2019
1:28 am
[mathiasthom]
Mediocrity
I was going to write something
true to the word,
not at all absurd
spontaneous and hilarious

Well things didn't go quite as planned
always alone,
never to understand
why this is so?

Don't expect reason and rhyme
thrown in the towel
for the thousandth time
mediocrity so foul

All these plans fell through
well what can you do
when the phantoms of the past
just literally kicked your ass

These good feelings never last
fueled by caffeine
and a lack of means
wallowing away in the shadows cast

A friend in need,
you are your own worst enemy
watching the night transform into day
chemical shakes, one endless heartbreak

mathiasthom
written 8/8/19
Friday, July 12th, 2019
3:09 pm
[finneganthepoet]
N o t M u c h.
Not Much

I don't think much
of Shallow Fucks/I see the
Size behind your mind/I see the
Slime
you leave behind/I 'm not Your Crime
you Evil Swine/I'm always Mine/
You Mindless Brine//I"m not Your Crime
you Evil Swine/I'm always Mine/
You Mindless Whine/
I am not much
for Selfish Fucks/I see the time
you waste of mine/I see the
Grime
you leave behind/I see the lies
behind your Grime/I see the lies
behind your Slime/I 'm not Your Crime
you Evil Swine/I'm always Mine/
You Mindless Brine//I'm not Your Crime
you Evil Swine/I'm always Mine/
You Mindless Whine/...
I don't go much
for Lying Fucks/I see the Guise
behind your times/And see the lies
you think you hide/To see the lies
behind your eyes/...

I see The Truth
that You Despise/...

12 July, 2019
Amsterdam, Holland


-_-F i n n e g a n/.

Current Mood: amused
11:22 am
[finneganthepoet]
T h e Insect G o d, Unchained..

The INSECT GOD, Unchained

The Devil is an Insect/
One to the Second Power/
Here in the First Galactic Quadrant
This Has been Discovered/From the Unholy Watchtowers of
CyberXenoPhotophobes/ Menacing ...A
Demonic Infestation of Deadly Savage Insects
Cruelly Starved in Hell
and made Ravenously Mad there
now in furious struggle to Escape into the Light
and Hide/and in perfect humanoid Guise
now Scattering
quietly into the Dark World of Form and Time/
and becoming Ripe and Fruitftul and Multiplying..../
And The Devil is an Insect forever
in Hideous Transformation and
in Hiding
Deep in His Cocoon of Sickness and Pain
where this Prince of Darkness is most at Home/and where He Loves to Entertain
and Spread His Miserable Cloak of Darkness
and Accusation and
Hate
for All to Enjoy/In the First Power
of Being
which He has Stolen
and is seeking to Copy, Clone, Use and Destroy/And The Devil You Know is a Cruel Insectile Ego/Many Times Over
Now/coming in DeadlySilent to take Residence in Your Mind
with a stinging Afterglow and Buzzing in
The Fluorescent Black Rainbow Splatterings
made Cheap and
Easy from a Dark Hive
of Horrors...

The Devil You Fear is an Insect
in the Coming Swarm
of Slaves/....

20-21 January 1999
Lower East Side, NYC
From "I'm Not Afraid of The Dark"


-_-F i n n e g a n/././
11:16 am
[finneganthepoet]
I don't Have to Scream because She Screams for Me
“I DON’T HAVE TO SCREAM BECAUSE SHE SCREAMS FOR ME…”


I JUST CAN"T TAKE
THE PROOF/….
WHILE I HIDE FROM
THE TRUTH/..
AND I DO MY LITTLE EGO DANCE/ …AND STRUT LIKE A GOOF/..

I CREATE MY OWN PAIN/..
AND IT'S HERE THAT I GAIN
ALL THE SICKNESS AND THE SADNESS I INHERIT
FROM FAME/..

I BELONG WITH MY OWN/..
AND THE PLACE I CALL HOME
IS THE PLACE WHERE DEATH AND MADNESS REIGNS
AND RULES ON A THRONE/…

I AM DARK FANTASY/..
SICK/ AND SAD/ AND UNSEEN/..
WHERE THE LIGHT OF MY REALITY
IS ONLY A DREAM…/

I AM DARK FANTASY/..
SICK/.. AND SAD /AND UNSEEN../..
WHERE THE LIGHT OF MY REALITY
IS ONLY A DREAM…/..

18, JUNE 2005
Barcelona,Spain

From "Nasty Little Creatures # 1"

F i n n e g a n/....
2:25 am
[mathiasthom]
Drop the Facade
Circle of Life
dropping like flies
an air of melancholy
suffocating skies

How much longer
will this cycle sputter on?
Please change the scenery
no more deadly surprises

Wake up and open those eyes
drop the facade and realize
life is cruel and so finite,
no time to bow or say goodnight

Perfumes dissipate in the air
all memories seemingly lost forever
how man thinks himself so clever
screaming into the Void forever

mathiasthom
written 7/12/19
Wednesday, June 19th, 2019
7:51 pm
[mathiasthom]
Vinegar and Spit


"Come to me"
no, I think I will not
offal humanity
a complete cesspool of rot

This picture is cold
toxic masculinity
but the flip side is ridiculous,
far as I can see

There is no perfect fit
shedding all these disguises
nobody realizes,
it's all vinegar and spit

Gone to the dogs,
but the clothes fit alright
wooden personality
another sleepless night

Do you like what you see?
now everyone is on display
being a label whore matters
a pride and vapidity crusade

mathiasthom
written 6/19/19
Wednesday, May 29th, 2019
7:35 pm
[mathiasthom]
In Full Bloom
Just changing it up
open the flood gates
rationalize the impossible
nothing really correlates

Pining for the near future
what am I doing here?
Isolation in full bloom
sporting a typical sneer

Wanting a permanent relationship
not held captive on some Titanic ship
going down so eloquently
drowning with quiet dignity

Say, can you help me?
Or possibly lure and save me?
telling me I’ve got it good
beneath these feet dry, splintered wood

All around these forgotten shores
millions of lads, unconventional bores
it’s all been dreamed before
while reality slumbers and snores

I can’t take much more…

mathiasthom
written 5/29/19
Thursday, April 11th, 2019
2:32 am
[mathiasthom]
The Day Everything Familiar Disappeared
Waiting for something beautiful
not ordinary in the barest of terms
seeing this all around here
uniformed and uninformed
calamity since the day first appeared

Never have much to say
when the darkest mood swings
come out to play
crossing the line, to blackness sublime
how this soul screams silent dismay

Shiver and shake
with open arms breaking
into millions of useless pieces
fractured into folds and creases
never to be whole again

When the dust settles
and rain clouds dissipate
silence descends like a smothering coat
scented with smoke, mold, long dried tears
on the day everything familiar disappeared

mathiasthom
written 3/28/19
Monday, February 4th, 2019
2:59 am
[mathiasthom]
Thin Gray Line
Destroying everything with just one touch
like love, only to remember
a cold heart, white December

Just remembering the plans
how they all crumbled in his hands
red sirens wail, shattering like shale

Not fighting, nor writing
lethargic sentimentalism
inserting or implying anything at all

There is nothing quite like
a dose of humiliation
with no hope ever of reconciliation...

mathiasthom
written 2/4/19
Wednesday, November 28th, 2018
8:24 pm
[mathiasthom]
Wax and Wane
DWI,
no, not I
it was you,
now avoiding me like the plague

Nothing lasts forever
kind of glad it doesn't
there should be a beautiful beginning
to a half life's miserable end

All the stories told
tend to get real old
a world of possibilities
ending with such disparity

Now I will never sleep again
choking on remembrance and dust
yellowed feelings just wax and wane
shedding skins, a life never contained

mathiasthom
written 11/28/18
Thursday, November 8th, 2018
2:21 am
[mathiasthom]
Untamed
Body shaming
one to one blaming
hell no, not perfect
we are all the same
raw, unfinished, untamed

So don't try to categorize
basing perception on the size of thighs
or glossy unrealistic magazines
starving to death
going to crazy extremes

When last I looked,
it was steadily raining
oh God, he's complaining again
going round the bend
this broken heart on the mend

Don't tell me about true potential
how that paints a picture so mental
meaningless societal atrocities
buried beneath dusty philosophies
leading lives truly uneventful

There's more to life than skin and bones
try being kinder, gentler
instead of walking, talking clones
where everybody looks the same
stay raw, unfinished, untamed

mathiasthom
written 11/8/18
Monday, October 29th, 2018
3:08 am
[mathiasthom]
The World Just Falls Apart
Can't tell if it's real
how the world just falls apart
where exactly is the appeal
when the good life never even starts

Count your blessings
rosary beads flying through the air
want to scream
saturating these memories with this wooden heart

No matter how it is
it's never enough
snarling wolves to whimpering pups
no matter how tough

It is raining, now it's snowing
this winter cold is growing
but the pain of not knowing
hidden fears never showing

Put on a brave face
going through another phase
walking around in a daze
spinning madly in some monochromatic haze

mathiasthom
written 10/28/18
Friday, October 12th, 2018
2:58 am
[mathiasthom]
Sentenced
She has mostly 3 months to live
but I have my misgivings
she'll claw her way back
into the land of the living

Said the obligatory prayers
even though I'm not there
not ever at her side
life is truly not fair

Gave up on family reunions
with that finger pointing crowd
who act so morally proud
minus countless indiscretions

Trying to walk a good path
never smoked a day in her life
while I was a walking chimney
at least, once upon a time

Used to see things eye to eye
never was really a scapegoat
how does she even cope?
sentenced with such limited Time

mathiasthom
written 10/12/18
Thursday, September 20th, 2018
1:59 am
[mathiasthom]
Why Don't Your Friends Know About Us?
There is this albatross between us
growing silently, like a tumor
or cancer,
black and velveteen

Unspoken thoughts and words
circling inside this head,
like sharks creeping closer
to some sanctimonious bed

Here I lie
even taken you inside
your silent unknown partner
harboring some dirty little secret

Like Honesty, and all the niceties
that vaguely cling to the false hope
it brings when Reality stings
and won't settle down for anything

All the alcoholic drinks
and conversations that tanked
when left alone
in this unkempt apartment

Dishes in the sink
six days' worth
seven days of stubble
disintegrating self worth

mathiasthom
written 9/20/18
Wednesday, September 5th, 2018
8:09 pm
[mathiasthom]
Love is a Failed Experiment
So this is how the wheel must turn
this is a growing concern
lessons learned, oh how they burn
scales of justice, just never served

At this point in my life
take it and run
or turn around
and initiate some fun

Love is a failed experiment
day to day disclosures
a rare event
certainly not heaven sent

He came into my life
“you’ll do things my way
never have your say
it’s only experimental play”

No way, no way, no way...

This isn’t what I signed up for
not what I’ve been dreaming of
all my life, which could end tonight
no, I’ve changed my mind again...

mathiasthom
written 9/5/18
Tuesday, July 24th, 2018
3:28 pm
[mathiasthom]
Singsong
Who could respect
or possibly love me
not asking for perfection
just another inner reflection, now

Endearments that sprinkle
off candy-coated tongues
like wasps in ears,
stinging it's singsong

The politics of dancing
between multiple stations
only leads to heartbreak
and miscalculations

Say the words
do you actually believe them?
hear the monologues,
such white noise dialogues

Breathe in, breathe out
another wall of concrete doubt
something's are best left without
never having any clout

mathiasthom
written 7/24/18
Wednesday, July 11th, 2018
5:18 pm
[mathiasthom]
The Lowly Sighs of Exasperation
The door is open, unlocked
freshly scrubbed and sober
subtle hints
of amber and lavender

Maybe you warrant this
and maybe you do not
what exactly is my higher purpose?
besides wallowing away on this cot

And you can go rot
if this is another ploy
'you're my boy'
high time to be annoyed

Supposed to be budding partners
through thick and thin
to the highest of highs
to the lowly sighs of exasperation

Shit stains on the bed sheets
stains on the couch
the explosion in the bathroom
can't take much more

Waited far too long
to watch it all go wrong
still putting forth my best effort
no call to throw down and cowardly desert

mathiasthom
written 7/11/18

Current Mood: apathetic
Thursday, June 21st, 2018
2:26 am
[mathiasthom]
Action by Example
He professes his love
in no uncertain terms
how words will become twisted
just to watch him squirm

Some people never learn
some people believe anything
following action by example
yet, he'd love a sample

And that beautiful chocolate cake
sliding off this pristine plate
has a date with fate
hope it's not too late

Try and turn around
go another round
reasoning quite sound
reality gagged and bound

Now he professes his love
just to see him squirm
prostrating his love on the ground
showing no growing concern

Just see where this takes him
maybe it's all for the best
nothing by chance, or some random whim
so give it a rest, give it a rest

mathiasthom
written 6/21/18
Tuesday, June 12th, 2018
5:27 am
[mathiasthom]
Frustration
No, no, no not feeling this
regretting actions
of a loveless kiss

Will never be your dirty little secret
when you're stuck on a fence
full of angst, and feeling restless

I've waited for far too long
emotionally distraught
apparently, self taught

It's going on 51 years
so why doesn't it happen now?
to everyone else, but never me?

So drink all the alcohol
smoke those Indian cigarettes
all I want to do is scream

mathiasthom
written 6/12/18
Saturday, March 17th, 2018
6:19 pm
[finneganthepoet]
"X's For Eyes"
On Me Birthday
I choose Rage/Rather than love/
On Me Birthday,
I choose Drugs/Rather than hugs!/

Cause I don't want you
to pull me down
into Pettiness with You/So I take Drugs!/

Cause I don't want your Limitations
to be mine!/

Cause I don't want to be
narrowed down into
a Disposable StereoType
by You../

So I take Drugs!/

And NO,
Everything is NOT Fine!

You See,
I don't date Ignorant White Trash!
So You can really have them ALL/You
Bitches!

And I don't Date
Selfish Bitch
ControlCunts/who Really Need
to Get A Life/Not Mine/So I can
Have a Ball/You Bitches!

The Life You Live/So Unlike You/
So far beyond the TRUTH
THAT'S TRUE/

These Things that SCREAM/are on my mind/These things that DREAM
are om my mind/These things that
Race/These things that Fly/
These Things that
Lie
are on my mind/

The Life you lived/Such
cold dead proof/The Life You Knew
was not the Truth/

These Things that SCREAM/are on my mind/These things that DREAM
are om my mind/These things that
Race/These things that Fly/
These Things that
Lie
are on my mind/

The Life You Live/So unlike you/unreal
unlike
the Life You knew/

These Things that SCREAM/are on my mind/These things that DREAM
are om my mind/These things that
Race/These things that Fly/
These Things that
Lie
are on my mind/

And If I die with a needle '
sticking out of Me arm/....
/X's For Eyes/And
a Happy Smile
on my face/....

Then So Be it!/.....

17 March, 2018
Amsterdam, Holland/

Current Mood: artistic
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